My Dance of Time

At this time the questions I am dancing with are good company

Can I be in the moment? Side step and skip

Can I think in open spaces? Swirl and raise my arms

Can I create free from imagining desired results? Throw my head back

Can I let go and let Grace lead me? Close my eyes and sigh with joyous relief.

When I pay attention to the direction of my thoughts, I recognize the purposeful energy of my intention, the gripping sinewy vine of my worry, the weight my control exerts on my sense of time and the continuous intent of manipulating the future.

All this I have practiced to an art form.

Instants of relief come and I forget my mind as I sense the graceful breath of a breeze capturing my skin, when I hear the noisy conversations of the birds living high in my magnolia tree, and rejoicing in the rush of emotions every time Life grabs me by the feet and pulls me down into that very instant.

I know the deep creases of my being will continue to pull me into the crypts and hieroglyphs of my unconscious as long as my desire to understand myself continues to unfold.

I also know that thinking about what lays ahead is a mirage that will trick my brain into imagining that I have some say in the creation of my life.

What is less sure and infinitely more exciting is the mystery in the unknown of the present moment. Much of my longing is devoted to the unfurling of my ever growing trust, to the blossoming of a quiet surrender and the full hearted joy of a chosen openness to be.

I want to welcome the unique unfolding of each blossom, of every encounter, feel the stroke of each touch, read the wrinkling of every smiling eye, delight in the taste of savory meals and hear the sound of my breath beating in my heart as I dance the Dance of Love.

Another Dance into Darkness

The journey is a permanent voyage,

the distance far reaching

into a universe of the light and dark

of me

an ever increasing challenge

and delight.

I know my wish to be free

Free to love and be loved

Free to be me

Free to enjoy it

I feel the release of old barriers and bridges falling

each time the sky opens and expansion fills my wings

I step into new intoxicating territories

I allow myself to feel more, to be more

As I do, the illusion returns

maybe this is "The One"

maybe this time I´ll be free for good

Free from the hidden darkness of old pain, shame and rage.

I ignore the well know signs of contraction

until the curtain opens yet again on stuck scenarios

of commiseration, self pity and blame.

I dwell on festering wounds,

I am bound to the chains I created to hide

the power of my rage,

the bleeding hurt of my heart,

the crippling sadness in my soul.

Sticky webs pulling me back every time

I take another step to brake free,

from the learned me.

Could these inner cages be the origin

of prisons and cells made of walls and iron bars?

Perhaps

Aren´t we all prisoners

of ourselves?

So why continue to untangle

this array of old agreements,

resentments and personal warfare?

What lays beneath the leaded weight?

What makes this journey so enthralling

and exquisitely interesting?

The promise of me

Joyous

Powerful

Open

Loving

Real

My journey with B.

This is my thank you, to you Baratta.

I know my words will not tell the journey, nor describe the swift shift of spaces and paces I am invited to feel in our dancing the Oneness of Love.

You keep reminding me of its greatness, that I am loved, that I have always been loved, that it is never too late to become love.

You have led and inspired me to unplug the darkest sewers of my faulty and precious humanity; to relive the scared brokenness of my heart and soul; to bare the deafening howling of the fear lodged in the brain of my body, as all of me crumbles to ruins and ashes.

The miracle resides in that while this is happening, all I sense is an unstoppable unfurling of gratitude, which knows and holds with unwavering trust that this is love too, of the sweetest kind. A fearless, powerful love that holds, sees, listens, greets and embraces all that I am at any given moment. I know I am safe with me and you, I know I am healing and being healed beyond any thing, any thought my human experience can comprehend.

What is it I wonder that keeps me open, vulnerable and willing to move and stretch to utmost limits of my being, while I continue to dance under your lead?

It seems that the millenniums I spent breaking stone, barriers and walls doing the work of a prisoner held bound by intricate cages, chains and bars of condemnations and shame have laid the foundations for this coming together, within me, with the world of subtler realms, with true love.

Inspired by the gentle kindness in your voice, laced with the light humor I hear when you reveal the crude truth of me, I feel my laughter rising even in the darkest of times. I am inspired by a lightness of spirit that accompanies me throughout our voyages, evoking my longing to dissolve my guarded self and become the dance of love, the dance of touch, with my skin, my words and senses, with my heart and breath.

Perhaps I can taste the letting go and being led by a flow of love, clarity and kindness that feeds and fills my being with the certainty that I am becoming ... me/you.

A me/you willing, open, trusting, relaxed, present, quiet and ever so joyful.

For these these gifts, these gems, Baratta I say Thank You forever.